[Grumpasaurus.com] Maybe this is what Saddam was working on

'Maybe this is what Saddam was working on'

Teen faces WMD charge after plastic egg explodes

An 18-year-old Elizabethtown man is charged with possessing a weapon of mass destruction and other offenses over a plastic egg explosion.

Police say he ignited a plastic egg filled with plastic air-gun pellets in a flea market, hitting at least five people and causing alarm. It happened Saturday afternoon at a Saturday’s Market in Londonderry Township, Dauphin County.

Ignoring, for the moment, the patent absurdity of charging someone with using a “weapon of mass destruction” when that “weapon” caused, and could cause, no destruction at all, let alone “mass destruction” and all of the negative reflections upon the state of our society and policing if this charge were indeed levied… is it even possible to lay this charge on the kid?

Mebbe.

Pennsylvania statutes¹ show that this incident probably meets the statutory definition … but only by the barest whisker, if at all. The statute allows for bring this charge if a person “without lawful authority to do so, intentionally, knowingly or recklessly possesses or manufactures a weapon of mass destruction.”²

Naturally, this begs the question: what is a weapon of mass destruction under Pennsylvania law?

I’m glad you asked, Johnny! Because the answer is in the same statute. A “weapon of mass destruction” is “A biological agent, bomb, chemical agent or nuclear agent.”

A plastic egg filled with plastic pellets is not a biological, chemical, or nuclear agent, leaving the only possibility of bomb. What is the definition of “bomb” under this statute? “An explosive device used for unlawful purposes.”

And that’s where the sliver of possibility resides. I’m pretty sure the egg went BANG and was used in the creation of calamity, thus it likely satisfies both elements of the definition. Absurd, but likely.

Now, this statute, or at least that provision, is certainly ripe for some constitutional void-for-vagueness challenges (a “bomb” is a weapon of mass destruction? Really? No matter how big?), which I’m certain we won’t see here as the strategy was likely one intended to make the kid take a plea bargain. By a similar reading of this statute, it would make no difference if the kid had a plastic egg, EFP, or a box full of Pop-Its that scared three biddies.

Welcome to the new GOP world of bedwetting fear. Make sure you carry spare undies for every time a gnat farts in your direction.

1. 18 Pa.C.S.A. § 2716

2. The article says charged with possession, but if he possessed here, he also used and likely manufactured.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/02/05/maybe-this-is-what-saddam-was-working-on/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Fuck you, Ralph

'Fuck you, Ralph'

Ralph Nader Flirts with ‘08 Bid

Ralph Nader has formed a presidential exploratory committee, and said in an interview Wednesday that he will launch another presidential bid if he’s convinced he can raise enough money to appear on the vast majority of state ballots this fall.

Look, you narcissistic oblivious prick, you are part of the problem.

Here’s an idea, instead of reappearing every four years to throw elections for the biggest authoritarian kleptocracy in history like a bad case of gonorrhea… why don’t you do something useful during the intervening four years of nothing? Al Gore got an Oscar, what did you do? Besides charge five figure speaker fees for resting on your laurels, that is.

Because of you, thousands have died in Iraq. Because of you, our civil liberties have been eroded probably for the remainder of my lifetime. Stop being a useful idiot and just be useful. Please.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/30/fuck-you-ralph/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Baroccoli Obama

'Baroccoli Obama'

I thought it, now I’m trademarking it.

Remember: that’s (tm, me)!

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/29/baroccoli-obama/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Sunset on the Empire

'Sunset on the Empire'

I’ve been talking about the decline and fall of the American empire forever (or close thereto. No, really), but it appears that the New America Foundation realizes they want some skin in that game.

Many saw the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq as the symbols of a global American imperialism; in fact, they were signs of imperial overstretch. Every expenditure has weakened America's armed forces, and each assertion of power has awakened resistance in the form of terrorist networks, insurgent groups and "asymmetric" weapons like suicide bombers. America's unipolar moment has inspired diplomatic and financial countermovements to block American bullying and construct an alternate world order. That new global order has arrived, and there is precious little Clinton or McCain or Obama could do to resist its growth.

[Colbert]Bow before me for I am mighty![/Colbert]

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/27/sunset-on-the-empire/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Search Incident to Seizure in the age of the iPhone

'Search Incident to Seizure in the age of the iPhone'

There’s a paper on SSRN entitled The iPhone Meets the Fourth Amendment

Abstract:

Imagine that police arrest an individual for a simple traffic infraction, such as running a stop sign. Under the search incident to arrest doctrine, officers are entitled to search the body of the person they are arresting to ensure that he does not have any weapons or will not destroy any evidence. The search incident to an arrest is automatic and allows officers to open containers on the person, even if there is no probable cause to believe there is anything illegal inside of those containers. What happens, however, when the arrestee is carrying an iPhone in his pocket? May the police search the iPhone’s call history, cell phone contacts, emails, pictures, movies, calendar entries and, perhaps most significantly, the browsing history from recent internet use? Under longstanding Supreme Court precedent decided well before handheld technology was even contemplated, the answer appears to be yes.

I’ve read the paper and I think that the abstract above is incorrect as to what the paper states, but also Gershowitz’ conclusion overreaches. I think it clear and inarguable that the iPhone or other devices¹ may be seized incident to arrest, but it is doubtful that they may be “searched” beyond data already stored on the phone.

A key difference between the cigarette pack search he refers to frequently and searching a technological device is that the officer may easily detect contraband or dangerous goods using one of their senses. This “closed container” doctrine has been upheld by courts already to allow officers to read text messages on phones on an arrested suspect and then use those text messages as evidence.

However with modern devices, much of the information that would be of interest to the police is stored on third party servers. A typical search that would yield indictment-worthy information is going to be email, IM messages, or similar which are under the control of third parties (such as email providers), not stored in the phone themselves.² If you allow immediate mining of third parties, such as Yahoo email, that under any and every theory and ruling in American law (FISA bill and Bush administration excepted), then you have destroyed the Fourth Amendment for all intents and purposes (in laymen’s terms: you need a subpoena to ask these providers for information. Searching without a warrant is unconstitutional; if you allow these searches, you’ve just done an end-run around the Constitution. You must subpoena teh googlez). It is as plain as the Newspeak nature of doughy pantload’s book - if you access third party services that would otherwise require a warrant, you have violated the Fourth Amendment.

Gershowitz addresses this in part, but also hand waives it away, using the example of an officer who gets access to a device’s password by accessing the owner’s email, finding the password there, and then using that password to open the device. Gershowitz argues that this search is permissible, whereas I would argue that accessing the user’s email is a clear violation of the Fourth Amendment and any subsequent searches on the phone would be excluded as fruit of the poisonous tree. Gershowitz also ignores the time and technical savvy required for an officer holding a suspect to do this. If the officer has time to do this, they have time to do it back at the station, after obtaining a warrant.

The paper does a typical journal article scattershot attack after that, none of which is very revealing or realistic.

So short response: somewhat interesting theory, but I remain unconvinced that the conclusion that such searches are “likely” to be upheld is the correct one. Much of this, of course, relies on which judge hears which case. Traditional jurisprudence would, I feel quite strongly, uphold the prohibition on accessing any off-device services to search the device. Given the radical authoritarian nature of the justices the Bush administration has placed on the bench, I am uncertain as to the actual outcome when this potential issue becomes a reality.

1. I’m just going to use “device” from here on out.

2. I don’t have an iPhone, so I don’t know if text messages are stored locally or on internet servers. I would assume locally just for end-user responsiveness and bandwidth issues.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/27/search-incident-to-seizure-in-the-age-of-the-iphone/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Tales of the American Taliban

'Tales of the American Taliban'

Retroactive fines 5 years later for nude buttocks.

The Federal Communications Commission has proposed a $1.4 million fine against 52 ABC Television Network stations over a 2003 broadcast of cop drama NYPD Blue.

The fine is for a scene where a boy surprises a woman as she prepares to take a shower. The scene depicted “multiple, close-up views” of the woman’s “nude buttocks” according to an agency order issued late Friday.

Oh, do fuck off censors, would you?

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/26/tales-of-the-american-taliban/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Travesty of Justice

'Travesty of Justice'

Jose Padilla sentenced to 17 years in prison

Jose Padilla, once accused of plotting with al Qaeda to blow up a radioactive “dirty bomb,” was sentenced Tuesday to 17 years and four months on terrorism conspiracy charges that don’t mention those initial allegations.

Padilla, an American citizen, was taken on U.S. soil (with Ashcroft holding a press conference to announce the grab of the dirty bomber), held without charges for 3.5 years,¹ in solitary confinement, denied access to an attorney, and tortured.² I’ve mentioned this before.

Without even going to the elements of what appears on the surface to be a Thought Crime more than an actual crime, there is no conceivable way by which this trial could be imagined to have been fair or Padilla’s civil rights upheld. Any one of the elements above would be sufficient in a system still beholden to the rule of law to create a mistrial; taken together the are a nightmare of coercion, duress, and authoritarianism.

This verdict is a black eye on the Department of Justice, the prosecuting attorneys who did not resign rather than try this case, the judge, the judicial system, the media, the Bush administration, and America.

Just fucking embarrassing.

I’m sure my shame and anger will comfort Padilla while he’s in solitary confinement and on suicide watch for the next 17 years.

The Bush administration and the DoJ forwarded an argument in this case, and one that has apparently stood, that the President has the power to declare anyone - even a United States citizen - to be an enemy combatant and outside the jurisdiction of our system of laws. Again, I’ve talked about this before. Gentle reader, from the results of this case, you too could be deemed an enemy combatant. At any time. In any place.

I hope you like Uzbekistan. Or at least windowless rooms in hot climates. I also hope you aren’t too attached to your fingernails, skull, or skin.

1. Remember, the Bush DoJ held Padilla for more than 2 years in a Navy brig in order to keep him from the reach of US courts.

2. The tapes of Padilla’s interrogations have, naturally, vanished and could not be produced at his trial. Convenient, no?

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/22/travesty-of-justice/

[Grumpasaurus.com] A New Role for the Fed

'A New Role for the Fed'

The Fed, a secretive, unelected, group in the best of times has two goals to meet via their implementation of fiscal policy: one, keep unemployment low; and two, keep inflation under control. Where there’s ever been a conflict between 1 & 2, they’ve always, always picked inflation control over job growth.

Well, after this morning’s emergency session, and we have confirmation of a new third role for the Fed - they’re also Wall Street’s Bitch.

The Federal Open Market Committee has decided to lower its target for the federal funds rate 75 basis points to 3-1/2 percent.

The Committee took this action in view of a weakening of the economic outlook and increasing downside risks to growth. While strains in short-term funding markets have eased somewhat, broader financial market conditions have continued to deteriorate and credit has tightened further for some businesses and households. Moreover, incoming information indicates a deepening of the housing contraction as well as some softening in labor markets.

Oh, there had been hints before about the Fed pulling out the patent leather and gags any time their daddy fund managers came a’knockin, but today’s out-of-the-blue rate drop ices that cake. Or creams that banana. Or rims that job. Wev.

Now, given my current employment and market positioning, this is all good news for me, but I’m worried about what it means for the country. Because now we have a (quasi, but for all intents and purposes) governmental body making policy based on the whims of a tiny numbers of private corporations and individuals.

Then again, this is the third Gilded Age and a similar (though inverse) relationship has existed before, so maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/22/a-new-role-for-the-fed/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Dude, Where's My Car?

'Dude, Where's My Car?'

and the winner for the I really should have shut up instead of tried to pander award for today is… Mitt Romney

As he posed for a picture with a group of young people, the typically old-fashioned Romney was relaxed enough to quote from a popular hit single from a few years back.

"Who let the dogs out?" he called out, as he stood there beaming in his shirt and tie. "Who! Who!"

Hey, at least it wasn’t racist or appearing with a pro-apartheid Mason on MLK day like Saint John McCain (a holiday McCain voted against creating, by the way), right?

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/21/dude-wheres-my-car/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Those Crazy Shredders

'Those Crazy Shredders'

Wow, what a coincidence! It just so happens that the missing emails (related deletions discussed previously) from the records the White House turned over to Congress aren’t complete. Golly gee willickers! Whouda thunk that the emails turned over by the OVP would be missing 16 days worth of emails?

House Oversight Chairman Henry Waxman (D-CA) revealed that the White House failed to preserve emails for at least 473 separate days. Waxman's report said "Vice President Cheney's office showed no electronic messages on 16 occasions from September 2003 to May 2005." Among the sixteen days for which email are missing from Vice President Cheney's office "is Sept. 30, 2003, the same day the day the Justice Department and the Federal Bureau of Investigation announced they were investigating who outed former CIA officer Valerie Plame Wilson."

INT. office - night

We revolve around a classic, quality desk largely cleared of
papers.  It’s dark wood exudes power and solidity.  A single lamp
spotlights the desktop and the two liver-spotted hands lightly touching at the
fingertips.  CHENEY, the man behind the hands, is in shadow.  He may
or may not be undead.  Thunder BOOMS outside and rain DRUMS on the
windows.  The phone RINGS.

cheney

The data we provided to Congress is incomplete you say? 
And the missing days just happen to align with my Energy Task Force and the
Plame records?

(beat)

My, that is unfortunate. 

(beat)

How could that have ever happened?

CUT TO:

Close up of a severe, old, possibly dead man’s eyes. 
Which are behind glasses.  We slowly pan back until we can see all of
CHENEY’S face.  A corner of one side of his mouth curls up.  CHENEY
winks.  The lamp CLICKS off.

END

Remember, this is the group that permanently deleted the pre-Iraq email backups. The group (especially Rove) that used RNC mail servers for official government business and then deleted those emails when subpoenaed. All of this is in violation of the Federal Records Act and we’re not even into conspiracy to obstruct justice territory or the substance of the underlying crimes yet.

And Congress apparently still thinks “impeachment” is a new cocktail from Georgia.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/21/those-crazy-shredders/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Let the Countdown Celebration Begin!

'Let the Countdown Celebration Begin!'

Today is the last January 20th of the worst administration in our country’s history. Huzzah!

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/20/let-the-countdown-celebration-begin/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Whoaaaah-bama

'Whoaaaah-bama'

Dude. I don’t like you, but it’s embarrassing to see you do this. It’s not hard to correct: Take a deep breath. Think of the optics. Stop saying stupid shit.

I think it's fair to say that the Republicans were the party of ideas for a pretty long chunk of time there over the last 10-15 years in the sense that they were challenging conventional wisdom.

(this is from the back end of the talk we discussed earlier)

Jesus fuck, who’s your advisor? Bob Shrum? The tone deafness is astounding. For such a “charismatic” guy who has been so successful politically, this is embarrassing. I don’t care if you don’t agree with those ideas, I don’t care if you disagree with those ideas, this is one of those sound bites you just can’t do.

You know who calls the GOP the “party of ideas”? The GOP.

Idiot.

And it’s not just the right you’re handing these openings to: Bill Clinton immediately got on Obama’s ass with a mischaracterization of what Obama said and Bulldog Edwards attacked him for it too. And these guys are pussycats compared to the GOP slime machine, and you know what the GOP guys are calling Obama right now? “Meat.”

How about these ideas: universal health insurance, protecting the environment, protecting civil liberties,¹ fairness, respect, an end to oligopolies, freedom of speech, religion, and association,², fair hours, fair wages, equality, respect, suffrage, education, and justice for all.

You know why the GOP had these “ideas”? Because they were radical abominations that had been rejected time and time again by good thinking people the world over for the last 70 years? They weren’t ideas so much as totalitarian fantasies that Newtie thought up when he was between fart bubbles playing with his GI Joes in the bathtub (and whatever the prehistoric version of the same would be. Neanderthals lived the Contract on America. Look where it got them!).

The wingnut welfare machine was specifically designed to incubate “thinkers” in “think tanks” who would “think” out “ideas.” Crappy, unoriginal ideas, but that’s what they called them. Then they would sell these “ideas” to via more wingnut welfare through their well-lubed connections to the corporate media. The media would then report these “ideas” as something “new.”

Sigh. Gimme Edwards. Please. At least he stays on message (actually, he’s almost inhuman in that ability. Unsinkable Johnnie Ed!)

Be sure to point out that they are bad ideas you do something this stupid, would you? kthx.

1. Note: FAIL last 7 years

2. eternal vigilance = new ideas required to counter the forces trying

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/19/whoaaaah-bama/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Atlas the Welfare Queen

'Atlas the Welfare Queen'

What the fuck is this socialist welfare begging shit that Juggs is doing?

Atlas does not live by words alone, contribute to the damn thing!
Seriously, it takes enormous time and effort to build this alternative media outlet, help Atlas run. Go here, or I’ll have to get a day job (as opposed to this day and night job).

UPDATE: Checking out the PO Box thing….at $40 bucks a month, not going there. Email me offline at AtlasShrugs2000 at 1 o l and I’ll give you an address.

Pick yourself by your own bootstraps, you big whiner!

The best part is that her legion (well, troop. OK, squad… squadlette) of supporters can’t figure out to get her any money. Read the comments. Savor them. Especially this one:

Call me a dummy if you will. I had to make a pay pal account. that done, now in the dang box of where to send money..where do I send it? WHERE? Please explain. don’t tell me to Atlas Shrugged it has only a place for an email address. DUH!!!

Juggyfreude! Hahahaha. The sockpuppet/pump primer comments are equally awesome. And by awesome, I mean risible.

I tried to figure out a way to send some custard, but I couldn’t find the appropriate button. Guess I’m just a big dummy.

Via the best site in the universe¹, we get the best comment ever (which totally stole my idea, bitches!).

Went over to Titz-on-a-Blintz to see how Pammy's fundraising was going and inquired if she paid for her breast implants with a similar blog beg. First time I ever had a comment deleted anywhere.

Generally I’m sympathetic to dispossessed women with children in tow. Not so much this fucktard. She should be mocked. Mercilessly. Maybe she can take those fake tits that her ex paid for and leverage them into her 2009 calendar. “Genocidal Hobag ‘09″ does have a certain ring to it, no?

1. That is not a plea for a blogroll or anything. I seriously dig those guys. They’re fun-nay.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/17/atlas-the-welfare-queen/

[Grumpasaurus.com] The GOP Work Ethic

'The GOP Work Ethic '

Lucky duckies working longer hours and having two jobs == FANtastic! (now stay away from my inheritance the death tax!)

I am so proud to be from the state of Minnesota. We're the workingest state in the country, and the reason why we are, we have more people that are working longer hours, we have people that are working two jobs.

To me, the statement is an indictment on our country and current way of life. How is it that we can live in the wealthiest, most advanced¹, bestest country in the world… and our people have to work harder and longer than any other developed nation just to scrape by? We’ve got more than we need of food, toys, things, and space. Why is it that our society is like this?²

But I didn’t say that. Michelle Bachmann did.

Who is she? Michelle Bachmann (R-MN), a bosom buddy of Bush the lesser and a christianist of the strongest sort. She graduated from a nonaccredited law school (and still got a job being an attorney for the IRS) that was an adjunct of Oral Roberts university (gee, that situation sure sounds familiar) and her stances are strongest when they are anti-gay, anti-choice, and anti-separation of church and state.

But it’s not like her statement is out of the norm for for her social circle. Just ask “never had to work a day in my life” Bush!

GEORGE W. BUSH: Good. Okay, Mary, tell us about yourself.

MS. MORNIN: Okay, I’m a divorced, single mother with three grown, adult children. I have one child, Robbie, who is mentally challenged, and I have two daughters.
…
MS. MORNIN: That’s good, because I work three jobs and I feel like I contribute.

GEORGE W. BUSH: You work three jobs?

MS. MORNIN: Three jobs, yes.

GEORGE W. BUSH: Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that. (Applause.) Get any sleep? (Laughter.)

MS. MORNIN: Not much. Not much.

You know, when he said “Uniquely American,” I think he meant that it was something we should be proud of. What a moron.

On a political note: why on earth do the poor or middle class ever vote Republican? ³ GOP has none of your interests at heart. None! Seriously, the GOP are the Whigs of the 21st century. It’s just embarassing.

1. Depending on your definition. I’m going with the “meaningless cliche” one here, since I can’t really pick out any area besides defense spending where we don’t at least have a near peer.

2. Yeah, yeah, I’ve read Weber. And I’ve already discussed the new Gilded Age in depth. No, seriously. The question was rhetorical this time.

3. We all know it’s about race of course, but I like to think in the, you know, rational world, not the I-hate-you-for-no-rational-reason one.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/17/the-gop-work-ethic/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Fire up the Shredders!

'Fire up the Shredders!'

Just like the Enron they so resemble and admire (and used to work for), the Bush administration just happened to destroy all records of pre-Iraq war emails. How convenient!

The White House has acknowledged recycling its backup computer tapes of e-mail before October 2003, raising the possibility that many electronic messages — including those pertaining to the CIA leak case — have been taped over and are gone forever.

The disclosure came minutes before midnight Tuesday under a court-ordered deadline that forced the White House to reveal information it has previously refused to provide.

Among the e-mails that could be lost are messages swapped by any White House officials involved in discussions about leaking a CIA officer’s identity to reporters.

Note that this, in addition to, you know, hiding the crimes, is almost certainly in violation of the Federal Records Act. To be in compliance with the FRA, records may only be destroyed under the authority of a records disposition schedule approved by the Archivist of the United States.

NARA issues a General Records Schedule (GRS) that gives record descriptions of records that are common to most Federal agencies and authorizes record disposals for temporary records. The Department is responsible for developing agency record schedules-with the approval of the Archivist of the United States-that are tailored to our own agency-specific records that are not provided for in the GRS.

Record schedules are mandatory instructions of what to do with records (and nonrecord materials) no longer needed for current Government business. The records schedules indicate how long a document must be kept before it is transferred to a Federal Records Center, destroyed or transferred to NARA for permanent preservation.

Now, gentle Congresscritters, who is going to be the first to query the record schedules to see if these documents were on the list? Who is going to be the first to issue a subpoena? Who is going to be the first to mention “criminal conspiracy to obstruct justice”?

I’m going with “no one,” but they should. Not only did Congress let the administration get away with rampant lawbreaking for 7 years… they’re going to let them destroy the evidence while they sit around and have bullshit investigations about fucking steroids in a sport?!? Jesus fuck that makes me want to find the nearest protruding object and run into it full force with my eyeball.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/17/fire-up-the-shredders/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Obama Hearts Reagan

'Obama Hearts Reagan'

I know people are kicking Obama’s ass for saying something so fucking stupid as to praise Reagan, but contextually he has a point. Reagan was a paradigm shift.

Watch for yourself and decide:


I’ve expressed my lack of preference for Obama before, but this on this one, I can understand what he’s saying. If you were charting a map of where the country was heading, Reagan would definitely be a hard right turn (into a dead end, filled with spikes, toll roads run by the oligopoly, and minorities in press gangs maintaining the shrubs). Clinton was not a strong turn away from the pro-business, mushiness of HW Bush, more like a left bank. Nothing inherently wrong with that.

That said, given his position as a candidate, a speaker for “change” and the people, to not take a moment to express that not all change is good and that Reagan’s change was the wrong direction is unconscionable. Maybe he just forgot a clause in his sentence. Or even an adjective. But these are things he shouldn’t forget.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/17/obama-hearts-reagan/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Warrior for the Cause

'Warrior for the Cause'

Mark Deli Siljander, a former Republican congressperson from Michigan was indicted today as part of a conspiracy to funnel money terrorists who have threatened US troops in Afghanistan.

A former congressman and delegate to the United Nations was indicted Wednesday as part of a terrorist fundraising ring that allegedly sent more than $130,000 to an al-Qaida and Taliban supporter who has threatened U.S. and international troops in Afghanistan.

The former Republican congressman from Michigan, Mark Deli Siljander, was charged with money laundering, conspiracy and obstructing justice for allegedly lying about lobbying senators on behalf of an Islamic charity that authorities said was secretly sending funds to terrorists.

Siljander is a true warrior for the true GOP cause - money. It’s not about nationalism, jingoism, saving the troops, saving the unborn, saving christmas… it’s all about the benjamins. With regards to his true orthodoxy, Siljander is surely going to spend eternity with his 72 bags of glittery gold. Or the gold may be from the fronts of his soon-to-be cellmate smiling down at Siljander as Siljander performs his patented 72-lick salad toss. Hard to tell on these things. It’s heaven for one of them!

I give it approximately 30 10 minutes before Faux news “inadvertently” labels the GOP Republican GOP Republican GOP Republican GOP Republican GOP Siljander as “(D-MI)”. Oopsies! How’d that D get in there?

Read the indictment in my newly-opened “unfinished” legal bits section.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/16/warrior-for-the-cause/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Ayatollah Huckabeenie

'Ayatollah Huckabeenie'

Mike Huckabee in Michigan two days ago

I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution, but I believe it’s a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that’s what we need to do — to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view.

This, ladies and gents, is the true voice of the base of the current GOP. Ye reap what ye sow, piggies.

One question: which god are we talking about here? The petulant spoiled brat of the first half of the book or the dirty fucking hippie of the second? Actually, which gawdly book are we talking about? I want the one with the free slurpees and fields of bubble wrap to roll around in.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/16/ayatollah-huckabeenie/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Warriors for Cheetos and Dough

'Warriors for Cheetos and Dough'

They came out to play-ee-ay the only way they know how, by (ironically) coordinating a fascist campaign to remove the best takedown EVAR!! of a shitty book from Google results. Pussies.

And yet it appears that Google has decided to punish this modest blogger despite the fact that I am actually a victim of this nefarious attempt to hijack Google. Google has now erased all traces of my piece “Jonah Goldberg’s Shining (Liberal Fascism with LOLCats)” from search results for the phrase “Liberal Fascism.” While it was once in the Top 10 of results for a search on the words “Liberal Fascism” it is now missing from that search entirely. Despite the fact that my piece has 94 links, according to Technorati, Google has decided that after the Amazon page for the book, the most informative links for the words “Liberal Fascism” include a Think Progress piece from two years ago that is not really about the book, with 9 links; a piece from The Corner (0 links) about all the great reviews the book has received; a piece by Cactus from the Angry Bear (1 link), who, like me, has not actually read the book; another piece from two years ago by Brendan Nyhan (4 links) ridiculing the book; and a page from the Urban Dictionary (27 links) defining a word that I cannot repeat here since this is a family-safe blog. (Update: The Urban Dictionary page has now moved into the Number One slot ahead of the Amazon page.)

In case you didn’t see it before, here’s the article again.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/13/warriors-for-cheetos-and-dough/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Jimmy Carter '08!

'Jimmy Carter '08!'

Once again, the Onion kicks everyone else’s ass

You actually seem to think one a’ these assholes is gonna prance in and wave a magic wand and make everything all nice again. Look at you, sitting there like a common fucking schnook and eating all their bull about bi-fucking-partisanship, and how they have all the goddamn answers. Let me tell you something: These fags are dogshit compared to Jimmy fucking Carter, all right? I was arbitrating Mideast crises when this bunch was still sucking on their mamas’ titties.

But who comes to me, huh? Fucking nobody. Why ask old Jimmy anything? What the fuck could he know about peace in the Middle East? It’s not like he fucking won the Nobel Peace Prize for that shit. You myopic pricks. Back in ‘79, I sat Sadat and Begin right down and made those two dicklicks shake hands. It was beautiful—I had all the pieces lined up and I smiled and waved in my best fucking suit and tie right there on TV. And what do you do, you pieces of shit? You screw the whole goddamn pooch.

Cocksuckers.

Oh, what’s that I hear? The weather’s all screwy? You got a global warming problem? Boo-fucking-hoo! I was telling you morons to turn off your lights and unplug all your shit at night to conserve energy in 19-fuckin’-75, for chrissake. Gee, I wonder what woulda happened if we’d all switched to solar power like I fucking did back when we had a fucking chance to do something about it. Think we’d still be sucking Saudi Arabia’s dick like a five-dollar whore? I sure as fuck didn’t get no fancy Oscar for that little spiel, though, did I? No. But Al Gore, that cum-sucking pig, steals the shit from me and now he’s the greatest thing since Jesus Christ made a fucking sandwich.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/11/jimmy-carter-08/