[Grumpasaurus.com] Unfuckingbelievable

'Unfuckingbelievable'

Democrats Let Lieberman Keep Committee Chair

Sen. Joseph Lieberman (I-Conn.) easily won a vote to remain chairman of a key committee today and will stay in the Democratic caucus despite his high-profile criticism of President-elect Barack Obama and his support of Sen. John McCain during the presidential campaign.

To recap: Lieberman actively campaigns against the Democratic president, up to and including implications that he may be a terrorist, undermines the last Democratic president at every turn, is defeated in the Democratic primary and runs on an “independent” ticket, and is the #1 supporter of Bush on the “Democratic” side. Lieberman is also the head of one of the most important Senate committees around (Homeland Security), where he has yet to conduct a single investigation or question the administration.

Democrats win both houses of Congress and the Presidency in a landslide and do not need Lieberman’s vote.

Do the Democrats kick him from the Committee chair? Do they refuse to let him caucus with them?

No.

Lieberman retains everything.

Jesus fuck, Dems, can you possibly be any more of a collection of wimps? He actively attempted to destroy your party.

Lesson to be learned: senators hate the Left and outsiders far more than they hate being stabbed in the back.

Oh, what I wouldn’t give for an actual party with some balls and the ability to enact progressive legislation.

Just fucking shameful.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/11/18/unfuckingbelievable/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Cockblock of the Century

'Cockblock of the Century'

Watch ’til the end (or just watch the last 15 seconds or so, same diff), where Brian Williams totally busts Luke Russert:

A few things:

a) Luke Russert. Mmmm… nepotism. Look, I’m sorry his dad died, but Luke sucks, brings nothing to the table, and has horrible hair. Fuck this shit.

b) From the reaction, I’m preeeeeeetty sure Luke and the victory hookup had already hit it.

c) Nice job, Brian! That was the best scolding-slash-breakup inducing moment ever. Ev-er.

d) I totally love how the entire crowd runs away from Luke like he’s a oily little droplet in their bucket of water. The frustrated and lonely chagrin on Luke’s face is priceless. This is precisely how he would have been treated if his dad dad daddy-o weren’t Tim Russert. Looooove it.

Oh, and since I’ve been too busy with other things to post during this epochal event - Sarah, your God has done what’s right for America. Now STFU and get back to your low-grade tyrannical corruption.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/11/14/cockblock-of-the-century/

[Grumpasaurus.com] You want 2012 Sarah?

'You want 2012 Sarah?'

Ah’ll be your huckleberry

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/30/you-want-2012-sarah/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Flying Spaghetti Monster doesn't love me that much

'Flying Spaghetti Monster doesn't love me that much'

Please, Sarah, run in 2012. I’m begging you. Pleeeeeeeeeaaaase. It would be like Fitzmas all over again, only this time with the entire destruction of the GOP under my tree.

VARGAS: But the point being that you haven’t been so bruised by some of the double standard, the sexism on the campaign trail, to say, “I’ve had it. I’m going back to Alaska.”

PALIN: Absolutely not. I think that, if I were to give up and wave a white flag of surrender against some of the political shots that we’ve taken, that … that would … bring this whole … I’m not doin’ this for naught.

As a side note, the entire circular firing squad in the GOP rat’s nest going on right now is a thing of beauty. This massive implosion, embarrassment, and extreme displays of cowardice couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of choda scrubbers. That Palin has gone rogue and is using McCain’s carcass for a national run and that McCain obviously blames her for everything up to and including the soon-to-be loss (except, of course, for his pick of her in the first place) is just icing on the cake.

Stay classy, GOP.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/29/flying-spaghetti-monster-doesnt-love-me-that-much/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Ever Notice

'Ever Notice'

How all voter suppression activities stem from Republicans?

A phony State Board of Elections flier advising Republicans to vote on Nov. 4 and Democrats on Nov. 5 is being circulated in several Hampton Roads localities, according to state elections officials.

This happens every cycle - some flier comes out in minority/black/poor neighborhoods either giving a wrong location, date, or threats of arrest/seizure/investigation should the darkies show up.

and remember, change means …. BLACK!!!!!

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/28/ever-notice/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Wingnut Pollgasm

'Wingnut Pollgasm'

I SO hope right blogistan takes over the reconstruction of the GOP.

1) Who do you think is going to win the election?

A) John McCain: 53% (39)
B) Barack Obama: 47% (34)

2) Do you think Sarah Palin has been a plus or a minus to the ticket?

A) Minus: 9% (7)
B) Plus: 91% (68)

3) How do you feel about Sarah Palin as a candidate?

A) I really like her!: 80% (61)
B) She’s so-so.: 12% (9)
C) I’m not a big fan!: 8% (6)

4) The Republican Party did poorly in the 2006 election and even if McCain wins is on track to do poorly again in this year’s Congressional races. If you had to choose between these two options, do you think that’s because they were…

A) Too conservative: 9% (7)
B) Not conservative enough: 91% (67)

5) Do you believe the mainstream media’s coverage has been…

A) Relatively fair and even handed.: 0% (0)
B) Slightly biased in favor of Barack Obama.: 4% (3)
C) Slightly biased in favor of John McCain.: 0% (0)
D) Heavily biased in favor of Barack Obama.: 96% (72)
E) Heavily biased in favor of John McCain.: 0% (0)

6) Do you think Barack Obama is…

A) Honest (Yes or no?)

Yes: 11% (8)
No: 89% (66)

B) Patriotic (Yes or no?)

Yes: 24% (18)
No: 76% (57)

C) Qualified to be President (Yes or no?)

Yes: 12% (9)
No: 88% (66)

Guaranteed permanent Democrat majority!

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/28/wingnut-pollgasm/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Nailin' Palin, a Reading

'Nailin' Palin, a Reading'

A straight reading of the Nailin Paylin script on the Graham Norton Show.

That’s also the first indication I’ve seen that Thandie Newton can act.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/28/nailin-palin-a-reading/

[Grumpasaurus.com] They Grow 'em Corrupt up Alaska Way

'They Grow 'em Corrupt up Alaska Way'

Stevens guilty on all 7 counts

U.S. Senator Ted Stevens was convicted of all seven felony charges of failing to report gifts from a company in his home state of Alaska, a possibly fatal blow to the career of the Senate’s longest-serving Republican.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/27/they-grow-em-corrupt-up-alaska-way/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Senator Joe Biden is my Homeboy

'Senator Joe Biden is my Homeboy'

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/27/senator-joe-biden-is-my-homeboy/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Wasssup ... 8 Years Later

'Wasssup ... 8 Years Later'

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/26/wasssup-8-years-later/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Wingnut Tawana Brawley

'Wingnut Tawana Brawley'

Of course it was a fake

A campaign worker who claimed she was the victim of a politically-motivated attack in which she was beaten, kicked and cut, now admits that she made the whole story up.

According to Pittsburgh police spokeswoman Diane Richard, Ashley Todd, 20, told investigators today that she “was not robbed and there was no 6′4″ black male attacker.”

Todd initially told police that she was robbed at an ATM in Bloomfield Wednesday night and that the suspect began beating her after seeing a John McCain bumper sticker on her car.

Todd claimed that the mugger even cut a backwards letter “B” in her check.

But today investigators say Todd confessed that the attack never happened.

At a news conference this afternoon, officials said they believe that Todd’s injuries were self-inflicted.

What a dumbass. A dumbass with issues. Get some therapy before you waste the world’s time again.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/24/wingnut-tawana-brawley/

[Grumpasaurus.com] That Wardrobe Budget was Necessary

'That Wardrobe Budget was Necessary'

Seriously. Palin dresses like a blind Church o’ Christer. A blind, cold Church o’ Christer.

Unless you’re having an affair on your yacht with a model (and given that flag-draped picture and Palin’s known indiscretions, she might have been), there’s no way that look plays in the Halls of Power.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/24/that-wardrobe-budget-was-necessary/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Prayer Warriors

'Prayer Warriors'

So sez Caribou Barbie Palin

She also thanked her supporters — including Dobson, who said he and his wife were asking "for God's intervention" on election day — for their prayers of support.

"It is that intercession that is so needed," she said. "And so greatly appreciated. And I can feel it too, Dr. Dobson. I can feel the power of prayer, and that strength that is provided through our prayer warriors across this nation. And I so appreciate it."

So… I’m guessing Sarracuda isn’t one of those Jesus-the-lamb types. We probably already knew that.

Given this and her $150,000 on campaign clothes, she’s a perfect fit for a televangelist. I see her taking over the 700 club and taking the place, not of Tammy Faye, but of Robertson. There’s another glass ceiling to shatter!

Note also:

In an interview posted online Wednesday, Sarah Palin told Dr. James Dobson of "Focus on the Family" that she is confident God will do "the right thing for America" on Nov. 4.

I’m looking forward to Palin and the Dobson brigade’s admission on Nov 5th, after Barack Obama has been elected, that God did “the right thing for America.”

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/23/prayer-warriors/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Welcome to Your Post-Racial America pt. 2

'Welcome to Your Post-Racial America pt. 2'

Well I’m certainly proud to be a citizen of the same country as the shitbricks shown in this video.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/21/welcome-to-your-post-racial-america-pt-2/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Welcome to Your Post-Racial America

'Welcome to Your Post-Racial America'

The Star of David on the head is a nice touch.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/21/welcome-to-your-post-racial-america/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Sedaris on Undecideds

'Sedaris on Undecideds'

Nails ‘em!

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?"

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I’ve long thought that anyone undecided at this stage, particularly in this or the previous two elections, should lose their suffrage. They’ve abandoned their basic duties as citizens and/or are simply too stupid to breathe. That description is, of course, identical to that of your average GOP voter, only without all of the book burning. The focus on undecideds is silly - it’s a panderfest for people who eat paste.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/21/sedaris-on-undecideds/

[Grumpasaurus.com] McCarthy has a new name

'McCarthy has a new name '

and she is Michelle “I heart Bush big time” Bachmann

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/17/mccarthy-has-a-new-name/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Hey, it's that busted racist again

'Hey, it's that busted racist again'

Remember him? He makes a cameo here among the rage filled hatemonkeys

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/16/hey-its-that-busted-racist-again/

[Grumpasaurus.com] This pretty much sums up the debate

'This pretty much sums up the debate'

and John McKKKain’s campaign

I hope you didn’t have “Joe the Plumber” in the pool for your drinking game, my friends.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/16/this-pretty-much-sums-up-the-debate/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Talk to your parents about John McCain

'Talk to your parents about John McCain'

Because apparently I’m on a young person kick

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/15/talk-to-your-parents-about-john-mccain/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Vote for McCain

'Vote for McCain'

Because it makes hot 18-year olds drop the F-bomb

See more Hayden Panettiere videos at Funny or Die

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/15/vote-for-mccain/

[Grumpasaurus.com] You're so busted, racist

'You're so busted, racist'

Watch CBS Videos Online

Trying to play it off once you’re caught on camera? Giving the stuffed animal to a little kid and acting like it’s a gift?

That, my friends, is someone unashamed and unafraid to boldly proclaim in public that which they believe in private, a true a glorious example of the Republican brand of courage.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/13/youre-so-busted-racist/

[Grumpasaurus.com] I've got your fair and balanced right here

'I've got your fair and balanced right here'

subliminal version

… also, illegal!

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/13/ive-got-your-fair-and-balanced-right-here/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Philly Phantastic

'Philly Phantastic'

Caribou Barbie goes to Philly and, unsurprisingly, gets boo’d like she was a Marine recruiter at a Young Republicans convention

It looks like Palin was in full Operation Human Shield mode as well. Typical cowardly Republican.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/11/philly-phantastic/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Cheney in a skirt! Cheney in a skirt!

'Cheney in a skirt! Cheney in a skirt!'

Troopergate Friday document dump reveals…

Finding Number One

For the reasons explained in section IV of this report, I find that Governor Sarah Palin abused her power by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act. Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) provides

The legislature reaffirms that each public officer holds office as a public trust, and any effort to benefit a personal or financial interest through official action is a violation of that trust.

Heckuva choice there, McCain

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/11/cheney-in-a-skirt-cheney-in-a-skirt/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Sarah Palin's Body Language And Why It Should Worry You

'Sarah Palin's Body Language And Why It Should Worry You'

Good stuff from the HuffPo

In our work we call body language the Five Flags, because there are five major ways human beings react when they’re not speaking the authentic truth. Twitches and jaw-clenches are examples of Flag #1, Body-Flags. To understand Sarah Palin, though, you need to understand Flags #2 and #3, Voice-Flags and Attitude-Flags. The English word ‘personality’ comes from two Latin words, per and sona, “through sound.” The Romans knew that the personality comes through in the tone of voice and other vocal aspects.

From thirty-five years of clinical experience, we can tell you a lot about Sarah Palin’s real personality and why it makes many people even more nervous that John McCain’s.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/10/sarah-palins-body-language-and-why-it-should-worry-you/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Domestic Terrorists

'Domestic Terrorists'

Sarah Palin haz dem

Though Chryson belongs to a fringe political party, one that advocates the secession of Alaska from the Union, and that organizes with other like-minded secessionist movements from Canada to the Deep South, he is not without peculiar influence in state politics, especially the rise of Sarah Palin. An obscure figure outside of Alaska, Chryson has been a political fixture in the hometown of the Republican vice-presidential nominee for over a decade. During the 1990s, when Chryson directed the AIP, he and another radical right-winger, Steve Stoll, played a quiet but pivotal role in electing Palin as mayor of Wasilla and shaping her political agenda afterward. Both Stoll and Chryson not only contributed to Palin's campaign financially, they played major behind-the-scenes roles in the Palin camp before, during and after her victory.

Palin backed Chryson as he successfully advanced a host of anti-tax, pro-gun initiatives, including one that altered the state Constitution's language to better facilitate the formation of anti-government militias. She joined in their vendetta against several local officials they disliked, and listened to their advice about hiring. She attempted to name Stoll, a John Birch Society activist known in the Mat-Su Valley as "Black Helicopter Steve," to an empty Wasilla City Council seat. "Every time I showed up her door was open," said Chryson. "And that policy continued when she became governor."
…
"The AIP is very family-oriented," Chryson explained. "We're for the traditional family — daddy, mommy, kids — because we all know that it was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. And we don't care if Heather has two mommies. That's not a traditional family."

Chryson further streamlined the AIP's platform by softening its secessionist language. Instead of calling for immediate separation from the United States, the platform now demands a vote on independence.

Yet Chryson maintains that his party remains committed to full independence. "The Alaskan Independence Party has got links to almost every independence-minded movement in the world," Chryson exclaimed. "And Alaska is not the only place that's about separation. There's at least 30 different states that are talking about some type of separation from the United States."

oh, and they still have her ear

Emboldened by his nomination by Mayor Palin, Stoll later demanded she fire Wasilla's museum director, John Cooper, a personal enemy he longed to sabotage. Palin obliged, eliminating Cooper's position in short order. "Gotcha, Cooper!" Stoll told the deposed museum director after his termination, as Cooper told a reporter for the New York Times. "And it only cost me a campaign contribution." Stoll, who donated $1,000 to Palin's mayoral campaign, did not respond to numerous requests for an interview. Palin has blamed budget concerns for Cooper's departure.
…
Chryson says the door remains open now that Palin is governor. (Palin's office did not respond to Salon's request for an interview.) While Palin has been more circumspect in her dealings with groups like the AIP as she has risen through the political ranks, she has stayed in touch.

When Palin ran for governor in 2006, marketing herself as a fresh-faced reformer determined to crush the GOP's ossified power structure, she made certain to appear at the AIP's state convention. To burnish her maverick image, she also tapped one-time AIP member and born-again Republican Walter Hickel as her campaign co-chair. Hickel barnstormed the state for Palin, hailing her support for an "all-Alaska" liquefied gas pipeline, a project first promoted in 2002 by an AIP gubernatorial candidate named Nels Anderson. When Palin delivered her victory speech on election night, Hickel stood beaming by her side. "I made her governor," he boasted afterward. Two years later, Hickel has endorsed Palin's bid for vice president.

Help keep this crazy unamerican hick yahoo Talibanistafrom get ahold or near the reins of power

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/10/domestic-terrorists/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Looks like the Straight Talk Express

'Looks like the Straight Talk Express'

is about to meet the Troopergate Corruption Freight Train

The Alaska Supreme Court refused to halt an investigation into Governor Sarah Palin’s firing of the state police chief, paving the way for tomorrow’s planned release of the findings.

The Supreme Court dismissed the case brought by five state Republican lawmakers who sought to stop the probe, claiming it was unconstitutional and tainted by partisan politics. The investigation, known as Troopergate, took on national importance after Republican presidential nominee John McCain picked Palin as his running mate.

The Alaska Legislative Council, a bipartisan committee of 14 lawmakers that conducts business when the Legislature isn’t in session, voted unanimously on July 31 to investigate Palin’s July 11 firing of Alaska Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan. The commissioner said he was dismissed for refusing to fire state trooper Mike Wooten, who was involved in a divorce and custody battle with Palin’s sister.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/09/looks-like-the-straight-talk-express/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Ladies and Gents...

'Ladies and Gents...'

Your McCain/Palin supporters

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/09/ladies-and-gents/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Eastwood's lost it

'Eastwood's lost it'

or he’s thinking with another brain

CLINT Eastwood made it clear who won last week’s vice-presidential debate in an interview he did Saturday as part of The New Yorker Festival with the magazine’s legendary Lillian Ross.

“One of the candidates the other night seemed more prone to telling the truth than the other,” Eastwood said. The cheese-and-Chardonnay crowd laughed, presumably because they thought he meant Joe Biden.

But the laughs among the 300 worshipful movie buffs at the Directors Guild theater dried up when Ross interjected, “I liked her, too!”

Eastwood went on to talk about how well “she” did, although he stopped short of a ringing endorsement.

Yes, I know he’s a Republican, but he’s generally been a straight shooter in the past. Palin is a pathological liar on a grander scale than BushMcCain and equal to Cheney. She’s an empty suit with no morals, ethics, integrity, or grasp of the english language. Maybe that’s it. Maybe she’s just so idiotic that she doesn’t realize lying does not make the words become true.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/09/eastwoods-lost-it/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Back when the Big Dog was the Big Dog

'Back when the Big Dog was the Big Dog'

Man, he was good.

… and far better then than what he has become now

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/08/back-when-the-big-dog-was-the-big-dog/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Debate Drinking Game

'Debate Drinking Game'

If you had either “my friends” or “crisis” in your DRINK! pool, you’re probably unable to read this post right about now.

I had “my friends.”

Dude! I am so hammered

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/07/debate-drinking-game/

[Grumpasaurus.com] So McCain's Going Full-on Smear, eh?

'So McCain's Going Full-on Smear, eh?'

One word: Keating

I like that Obama’s taken the Chicago way to heart

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/06/so-mccains-going-full-on-smear-eh/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Interview Sarah Palin

'Interview Sarah Palin'

While stretching my jaw in anticipation of having it drop open frequently at tomorrow’s debate, I ran into Interview Sarah Palin - where you, too, can preread completely random gibberish that may … or may not… be entirely computer generated.

Compare it to a verbatim interview and you come back and tell me the Interview site doesn’t make more sense. And have a higher IQ.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/10/01/interview-sarah-palin/

[Grumpasaurus.com] The Truth About Sarah Palin

'The Truth About Sarah Palin'

Rolling Stone has a nice, easy to read collection of fact checks regarding her campaign posturing

THE MYTH: “She took the luxury jet that was acquired by her predecessor and sold it on eBay. And made a profit!” — John McCain, at a campaign stop in Wisconsin

THE FACTS: No one bought the jet online. It was eventually sold through an aircraft broker — at a loss to taxpayers of nearly $600,000.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/27/the-truth-about-sarah-palin/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Hey, Remember When Republicans Cared About Extramarital Sex?

'Hey, Remember When Republicans Cared About Extramarital Sex?'

Me neither

No less than three members of the man's family including one by sworn affidavit have claimed that Sarah Palin engaged in an extramarital affair with hus­band Todd's former business partner, Brad Hanson.

These sources have named Hanson as Palin's secret love, and say their affair nearly wrecked both their marriages.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/27/hey-remember-when-republicans-cared-about-extramarital-sex/

[Grumpasaurus.com] A Keating 5 Primer

'A Keating 5 Primer'

For those that didn’t know about how dirty St. McCain was before he got the “St.” bit attached to his maverickynessitude.

it’s worth all 1:43 of your time. Told ya he’s dirty. Always has been.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/26/a-keating-5-primer/

[Grumpasaurus.com] If there is a god

'If there is a god'

Please let it keep the ignorant theocrat nutjob Palin out of the White House

On September 20 and 21, I attended services at the church Sarah Palin belonged to since she was an adolescent, the Wasilla Assembly of God. Though Palin officially left the church in 2002, she is listed on its website as "a friend," and spoke there as recently as June 8 of this year.

I went specifically to see a pastor visiting from Kiambu, Kenya named Thomas Muthee. Muthee gained fame within Pentecostal circles by claiming that he defeated a local witch, Mama Jane, in a great spiritual battle, thus liberating his town from sin and opening its people to the spirit of Jesus.

Muthee's mounting stardom took him to Wasilla Assembly of God in May, 2005, where he prayed over Palin and called upon Jesus to propel her into the governor's mansion — and beyond. Muthee also implored Jesus to protect Palin from "the spirit of witchcraft." The video archive of that startling sermon was scrubbed from Wasilla Assembly of God's website, but now it has reappeared.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/24/if-there-is-a-god/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Here's one question I have

'Here's one question I have'

If we are going to be a bana republic socialist controlled market state, why don’t we take the $1 trillion we are going to spend on nationalizing individual companies… and instead give it to the people who are in homes they can’t afford.

And by “give” I mean have the government pay for the restructured financing. This will then stop the housing meltdown and restart our stalled economy.

Of course, this assumes that the bailout is a foregone conclusion - which it is, but I would not like to give up so easily. Can someone explain to me again why a) we, the people, are saving ultrarich bankers who made bad bets, and b) covering for thousands of people who knowingly entered into contracts they couldn’t afford. Goddamnit, I’ve held up my end of the bargain and upheld all my contracts… grr.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/20/heres-one-question-i-have/

[Grumpasaurus.com] There goes Sarah Mac's vote

'There goes Sarah Mac's vote'

Oh yeah, she’s Canadian. Well, if mom’s entire office wasn’t already anti-McTheuselah and McPalin, they will be now.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/13/there-goes-sarah-macs-vote/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Life under Palin: charge sexual assault victims for their exams

'Life under Palin: charge sexual assault victims for their exams'

Palin’s so awesome. If by awesome you mean troglodyte sociopath, that is.

Eight years ago, complaints about charging rape victims for medical exams in Wasilla prompted the Alaska Legislature to pass a bill — signed into law by Knowles — that banned the practice statewide.

“There was one town in Alaska that was charging victims for this, and that was Wasilla,” Knowles said

A May 23, 2000, article in Wasilla’s newspaper, The Frontiersman, noted that Alaska State Troopers and most municipal police agencies regularly pay for such exams, which cost between $300 and $1,200 apiece.

“(But) the Wasilla police department does charge the victims of sexual assault for the tests,” the newspaper reported.

It also quoted Wasilla Police Chief Charlie Fannon objecting to the law. Fannon was appointed to his position by Palin after her dismissal of the previous police chief. He said it would cost Wasilla $5,000 to $14,000 a year if the city had to foot the bill for rape exams.

“In the past we’ve charged the cost of exams to the victims’ insurance company when possible,” Fannon told the newspaper. “I just don’t want to see any more burden put on the taxpayer.”

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/11/life-under-palin-charge-sexual-assault-victims-for-their-exams/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Matt Damon for President

'Matt Damon for President'

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/11/matt-damon-for-president/

[Grumpasaurus.com] The decline of the American Empire

'The decline of the American Empire'

Of course I’ve been remarking on our country’s current resemblance to the final Roman era, but, well, now it’s officially recognized by the government. Hmm. Go figure.

An intelligence forecast being prepared for the next president on future global risks envisions a steady decline in U.S. dominance in the coming decades, as the world is reshaped by globalization, battered by climate change, and destabilized by regional upheavals over shortages of food, water and energy.

…

“The U.S. will remain the preeminent power, but that American dominance will be much diminished,” Fingar said, according to a transcript of the Thursday speech. He saw U.S. leadership eroding “at an accelerating pace” in “political, economic and arguably, cultural arenas.”

Now, that’s gilding the lilly more than a little. I’m sure Fingar has his political priorities straight and couldn’t say anything else, but if we’re anything more than slightly above parity in 2025, I’ll be shocked. The last 8 years of bushevik rule have done nearly incalculable harm to our countries in ways that won’t be felt for years. The lack of funding for and emphasis on scientific research and experimentation, for example, will show after significant lag time. Say 10-15 years. And the Palin nomination might as well be a flashing neon sign saying “culturally bankrupt, corrupt autocracy” to anyone paying attention.

We may still be the tallest midget in 2025, but it will be by millimeters at best.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/10/the-decline-of-the-american-empire/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Drill early, drill often

'Drill early, drill often'

Your typical GOP governance

Government officials handling billions of dollars in oil royalties improperly engaged in sex with employees of energy companies they were dealing with and received numerous gifts from them, federal investigators said Wednesday.

The alleged transgressions involve 13 former and current Interior Department employees in Denver and Washington. Their alleged improprieties include rigging contracts, working part-time as private oil consultants, and having sexual relationships with _ and accepting golf and ski trips and dinners from _ oil company employees, according to three reports released Wednesday by the Interior Department’s inspector general.

The investigations reveal a “culture of substance abuse and promiscuity” by a small group of individuals “wholly lacking in acceptance of or adherence to government ethical standards,” wrote Inspector General Earl E. Devaney. Devaney’s office spent more than two years and $5.3 million on the investigations.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/10/drill-early-drill-often/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Palin Authoritarian Censorship Past

'Palin Authoritarian Censorship Past'

Look! Actual investigation!

To recap:
1. Palin, a hard core theocratic extremist and member of hard-right church with no qualms about dictating societal norms, is elected mayor of Wasilla, AK (pop. 9,000).
2. Palin shortly thereafter “inquires” of the town librarian how she would react “if” Palin asked her to remove some books from the library (alternatively, Palin inquires about the “procedure” for book removal. No threat there!)
3. Librarian says that the books were acquired properly and she will not remove any of them.
4. Librarian is fired.
(postscript: community is outraged, Librarian is reinstated shortly thereafter)

Nope, definitely no authoritarian Queen of Hearts correlation there.

Elections have consequences, and if these dipshits somehow convince enough people to vote against their own interests to be elected then get ready for a whole lot of Säuberung. Oh frabjous day!

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/10/palin-authoritarian-censorship-past/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Not ready for prime time

'Not ready for prime time'

She’s a fucking mouthbreathing ignorant idiot.

Speaking before voters in Colorado Springs, the Republican vice presidential nominee claimed that lending giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac had “gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers.” The companies, as McClatchy reported, “aren’t taxpayer funded but operate as private companies. The takeover may result in a taxpayer bailout during reorganization.”

Not sure how we’ll tell the difference between her and dub, but she’s not qualified to be a gym teacher let alone VP.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/08/not-ready-for-prime-time/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Obamaroll'd

'Obamaroll'd'

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/07/obamarolld/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Just so you know

'Just so you know'

on the Quaylerrific token, corrupt, unready, and ill-suited babe Palin:

Given Sarah Palin’s rather doctrinaire approach to conservative libertarian Christian evangelicalism, her political flirtation with the secessionist Alaska Independence Party (AIP) is hardly surprising, but the AIP’s ties to the U.S. Constitution Party raise some creepy issues. It is not fair to suggest that Palin agrees with all of the political positions of the AIP or Constitution Party. It is fair to ask with what policies she does or does not agree. It is already clear that on the issue of the “Sanctity of Life,” Palin and the theocratic Consititution Party are on the same Dominionist page.

The AIP has placed the candidate of the U.S. Constitution Party on the Presidential ballot in Alaska in the 2008 race. Let’s be clear, the U.S. Constitution Party would impose a form of theocratic neofascism in the United States. And I am not a person who tosses the term fascism around lightly.

She’s a nothing and a loser for the GOP and McCain, but while she’s hot (as an issue, not talking about looks here), it’s worth pointing out who could be a heartbeat away from sitting in the oval office.

She’s the American Idol candidate and as such well reflective of our diminished society - no skill necessary, no work or planning, just get picked as winner! It’s like the lottery where the presidency is the prize.

/me shakes head.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/04/just-so-you-know/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Cointelpro never went away

'Cointelpro never went away'

It just ducked its head for a while

So here we have a massive assault led by Federal Government law enforcement agencies on left-wing dissidents and protesters who have committed no acts of violence or illegality whatsoever, preceded by months-long espionage efforts to track what they do. And as extraordinary as that conduct is, more extraordinary is the fact that they have received virtually no attention from the national media and little outcry from anyone. And it’s not difficult to see why. As the recent “overhaul” of the 30-year-old FISA law illustrated — preceded by the endless expansion of surveillance state powers, justified first by the War on Drugs and then the War on Terror — we’ve essentially decided that we want our Government to spy on us without limits. There is literally no police power that the state can exercise that will cause much protest from the political and media class and, therefore, from the citizenry.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/09/03/cointelpro-never-went-away/

[Grumpasaurus.com] No more martyrs, please

'No more martyrs, please'

Particularly since only the good ones get killed

Police found four guns, including two rifles and two handguns, in a rented pickup.

Police found a rifle in the man's pickup and methamphetamine. The man allegedly made comments about Sen. Obama, but sources wouldn't say what they were.

It was enough, however, to make police believe the man might have been plotting to somehow harm Obama. A second man was arrested at a Glendale hotel.

Now, this may be a bunch of hooey and they’re just meth heads with guns… but we all know Obama’s got a Montana-sized target on him. If he makes it through the election and his first term safely, then I’ll start to have hope for our “post-racial” nation.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/08/25/no-more-martyrs-please/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Laaaaaame

'Laaaaaame'

Obama picks Joe Xerox “I loooooove the new bankruptcy bill” Biden for veep.

Thousands of supporters were expected at a Saturday rally in Springfield, Illinois, to see the debut of Sen. Barack Obama and Delaware Sen. Joe Biden as a presidential ticket.

The one thing that I like about Biden is that he’s not afraid to be orally aggressive. Unlike the last three Dem VP candidates, he’ll be a snarky, biting, aggressive little fucker. Which is what you want from your VP.

On the other hand, he’s neither Clark nor Sibellius and Biden’s a loose cannon, so I’m not very excited about this. Way better than anti-choice Kaine or pro-Iraq Bayh, though.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/08/23/laaaaaame/

[Grumpasaurus.com] More like this please

'More like this please'

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/08/21/more-like-this-please-3/

[Grumpasaurus.com] John McCain's desktop

'John McCain's desktop'

Well done, sirs

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/08/12/john-mccains-desktop/

[Grumpasaurus.com] More like this please

'More like this please'

I think the real way to drive McCain more insane in a way obvious to the average chowderhead person is by mocking him. The little Charlie McCarthy lookalike’s got a paper thin skin and a hair temper trigger. Also, his mama dresses him funny.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/08/06/more-like-this-please-2/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Happy PDB Day

'Happy PDB Day'

7 years ago today, Bush was presented with the “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US” Presidential Daily Briefing. To which Bush replied “Alright, you've covered your ass now.”

Heckuva job, Caligula.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/08/06/happy-pdb-day/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Have I mentioned McCain is dirty?

'Have I mentioned McCain is dirty?'

Because he is

Alice Rocchio is an office manager at the New York headquarters of the Hess Corp., drives a 1993 Chevy Cavalier and lives in an apartment in Queens, N.Y., with her husband, Pasquale, an Amtrak foreman.

Despite what appears to be a middle-class lifestyle, the couple has written $61,600 in checks to John McCain’s presidential campaign and the Republican National Committee, most of it within days of McCain’s decision to endorse offshore oil drilling.

At a June fundraiser, the Rocchios joined top executives at Hess Corp. — Chairman and Chief Executive Officer John Hess, his wife, Susan, his mother, Norma Hess, and six other officials in giving a total of $313,500 to a joint McCain-RNC fundraising committee, Federal Election Commission records show.

Vote McCain! It’s like doubling down on Bush. You get 10% more narcissism, bloodlust, and sock puppetry for big oil and/or the evangelicals all for the same low price!

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/08/06/have-i-mentioned-mccain-is-dirty/

[Grumpasaurus.com] My that's ... Mavericky

'My that's ... Mavericky'

Also, fraudulent and illegal

The bundle of $2,300 and $4,600 checks that poured into Sen. John McCain’s presidential campaign on March 12 came from an unlikely group of California donors: a mechanic from D&D Auto Repair in Whittier, the manager of Rite Aid Pharmacy No. 5727, the 30-something owners of the Twilight Hookah Lounge in Fullerton.

But the man who gathered checks from them is no stranger to McCain — he shuttled the Republican on his private plane and held a fundraising event for the candidate at his house in Delray Beach, Fla.

In case you weren’t aware, “maverick” McCain is dirty, dirty, dirty. And he knows it.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/08/06/my-thats-mavericky/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Correlation, meet causation

'Correlation, meet causation'

McSame edition, number 5012

Ten senior Hess Corporation executives and/or members of the Hess family each gave $28,500 to the joint RNC-McCain fundraising committee, just days after McCain reversed himself to favor offshore drilling, according to Federal Election Commission reports.

Nine of these contributions, seven from Hess executives and two from members of the Hess family, came on the same day, June 24th, the records show. The total collected in the wake of McCain’s reversal for the fund, called McCain Victory 2008, from Hess execs and family is $285,000.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/08/04/correlation-meet-causation/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Elections have consequences

'Elections have consequences'

And the last two have resulted in the complete destruction of your basic civil liberties.

Federal agents may take a traveler’s laptop computer or other electronic device to an off-site location for an unspecified period of time without any suspicion of wrongdoing, as part of border search policies the Department of Homeland Security recently disclosed.

Also, officials may share copies of the laptop’s contents with other agencies and private entities for language translation, data decryption or other reasons, according to the policies, dated July 16 and issued by two DHS agencies, U.S. Customs and Border Protection and U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

Your data will never, ever be disappeared. This is essentially the newest ultimate expression of the fascist panopticon. Welcome to your GOP overlords.

Suggestions: If you must travel across borders with your laptop, use a high-security system (Linux, or in a pinch, a Mac) and if stopped, refuse to hand over your password or log in. You’ll almost certainly lose your laptop (for a bit), but your data will still be yours and what passes for privacy these days still secured… until quantum computers come out, that is.

Alternatively, pack a blank hard drive and hide your second. So long as your second (real) hard drive is still encrypted and not in obvious plain sight where it will be seized, you’ll be fully up and running as soon as you get out of Der Homeland’s sites… and they’ll be stuck with useless, false information.

I’m sensing a new business opportunity in database-destroying false information hard drives to savvy consumers. a) profit; b) privacy; c) civil liberties; and d) if we poison the database with bad information, it will lose all value. Any interested angel investors out there, give me a call.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/08/01/elections-have-consequences-2/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Clark for Veep

'Clark for Veep'

Sign the petition. Clark is far and away the best choice available and Obama’s ditching him when Clark had the temerity to say that getting shot down may a hero make but is not presidential.

Sebelius would be the #2. If it’s anti-choice Kaine, that’s just pukerrific.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/08/01/clark-for-veep/

[Grumpasaurus.com] TAEE pt. 5

'TAEE pt. 5'

Hahahaha! Awesome. Actual McCain ad:

I couldn’t really tell if this was aimed at racists, christianists, or Matrix fans, but it fails on at least two of those fronts in discouraging people from voting for Obama. In a country filled with christianists eagerly awaiting the rapture, AKA the GOP base, do they really think the Obamessiah message is in any way an “attack”? In a battle of scary black man v. my gawd is teh awesome, who wins?

McCain’s got nuthin. Nuthin!

(side note: the “quote” of Barack’s in the ad is misleadingly cropped)

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/08/01/taee-pt-5/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Hate to say I told you so

'Hate to say I told you so'

… but I told you so!

Welcome back, billmon.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/08/01/hate-to-say-i-told-you-so/

[Grumpasaurus.com] McCain, 2006

'McCain, 2006'

Standing in front of the class gave a speech:

Madam President, there is an old line about those of us who ignored the mistakes of history are doomed to repeat them. Afghanistan is the classic example of what could happen in Iraq. After years and years of incredible assistance to those who were seeking freedom from the then-Soviet Union occupation of Afghanistan, the Russians were driven out. Then, incredibly, the United States of America totally disengaged from Iraq. I recommend to my colleagues the reading of a book called "Ghost Wars" by Steven Cole, which won a Pulitzer Prize. Of course, came the Taliban. The Taliban then obviously was not only a terribly oppressive, brutal, cruel regime, but it also became a hotbed of training for terror today. A failed state in Iraq would pose a clear, present, and enduring danger to the security of our country.

Furthermore, Hitler, bananas, and a three-legged pony. … San Dimas High School Football Rules!

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/07/26/mccain-2006/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Well that explains the FISA vote

'Well that explains the FISA vote'

Also: fuck you, Democrats. I want my Constitution back!

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/07/25/well-that-explains-the-fisa-vote/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Tell me again

'Tell me again'

why Wesley Clark isn’t the already-named veep (or candidate for that matter).

Screw those professional concern trolls and hanky-waving media McSame enablers, Clark needs to be out there.

Side note: I can’t believe this passes for “confusing” to the media or what we consider “high level discourse” today. JFC, how is it not patently obvious that each person argues for the “best solution” relative to their position X, and when someone says I understand, but my concerns are Y (some superset of X) that they are acknowledging this? Let me rephrase to the msnbc host: if you don’t understand that executives need to make decisions while balancing competing interests, you need to be paid less until you do understand.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/07/25/tell-me-again/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Different Times

'Different Times'

Well drawn sir, well drawn.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/07/16/different-times/

[Grumpasaurus.com] TAEE pt 4

'TAEE pt 4'

Did I mention this is going to be the awesomest election ever? Because it is. Behold!

This will actually be on the newstands this week. I won’t be holding my breath for the McCain edition.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/07/13/taee-pt-4/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Anyone still think we live in a democracy?

'Anyone still think we live in a democracy?'

Anyone? … *crickets*

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/07/08/anyone-still-think-we-live-in-a-democracy/

[Grumpasaurus.com] TAEE pt 3

'TAEE pt 3'

Pat Oliphant, ladies and gents, Pat Oliphant

I’m so glad we live in a post-racial society.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/06/19/taee-pt-3/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Most Awesome Election Ever pt 2

'Most Awesome Election Ever pt 2'

Inspired by Pat Buchanan calling Obama “exotic,” I’ve decided to come up with Obama’s campaign slogan for him. Right now, I’m debating between:

I’m gonna get you suckas!

When I see a ghost, I cut the mothafucka

Eat it, whitey!

See you around, Super Honkie!

Obama 2008… can you dig it?

Who’s the black private dick / That’s a sex machine to all the chicks? / OBAMA! / Ya damn right!
Who is the man that would risk his neck / For his brother man? / OBAMA! / Can you dig it?
Who’s the cat that won’t cop out / When there’s danger all about? / OBAMA! / Right On!
They say this cat Obama is a bad mother… / SHUT YOUR MOUTH! / I’m talkin’ ’bout Obama. / THEN WE CAN DIG IT!

Best. Election. Ever.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/06/19/most-awesome-election-ever-pt-2/

[Grumpasaurus.com] If we had a decent media, this wouldn't be web-only

'If we had a decent media, this wouldn't be web-only'

McCain’s calling of his second wife (the rich one, the one he dumped his faithful poor one for after she stayed true to him while he was a POW and after she got into a disfiguring car accident. Oh, also, Cindy McCain is a plagiarist passing off stolen recipes as her own)… anyway, McCain called his second and current wife a “cunt.” I shit you not.

Now, a fun exercise in the imagination: imagine if Barack had called Michelle that. Imagine how many times you would have heard that (approximately 7 million until Clinton sealed the nom, would be my guess).

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/06/17/if-we-had-a-decent-media-this-wouldnt-be-web-only/

[Grumpasaurus.com] This is going to be the awesomest election ever (TAEE) pt 1

'This is going to be the awesomest election ever (TAEE) pt 1'

Now on sale at the Texas Republican Convention

Holy crap am I proud to be in this state right now.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/06/17/this-is-going-to-be-the-awesomest-election-ever-taee-pt-1/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Not Alex

'Not Alex'

The most powerful (in focus group testing) anti-McCain ad so far.

Works for me. Then again, I was against that narcissistic idiotic septuagenarian warmongering rageaholic before any advert. Good times.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/06/17/not-alex/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Imagine

'Imagine'

Yet more proof that conservatives are like kryptonite to irony. Or subtlety. Or plain meaning, for that matter.

Lennonism [John J. Miller]

K Lo: I’m with you on “Imagine” — love the piano, hate the lyrics. A band called A Perfect Circle has a great cover version. The music is bleak and the vocals are subdued. It’s a much-needed deconstruction of the song. It’s like the anti-”Imagine.” I’m not sure the musicians intended it that way, but that’s the result, by my lights. Definitely worth a 99-cent download.

A few things:

1. The Perfect Circle cover is fairly horrible as a piece of music, actually. It’s like awesomeness on valium, sifted through gauze, and then drained of life force. Which is not to say the original Imagine is awesome, but the cover was filtered through that mysterious substance known as AwesomeX
2. I’m sure that Miller, should he choose to investigate, would love the much-needed deconstruction of Maynard James Keenan (whom I personally think is fantabulous; he’s the singer. Also, a vet!). See also: Dirty Harry by Gorillaz, Born in the USA by Springsteen, And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda by The Pogues, et. al. Don’t forget Gandhi!
3. Imagine by Perfect Circle was recorded in 2003 and released in 2004. Hmm… that time seems so familiar. Anyone remember what was happening around that time? Anyone. Drawing a blank here.
4. One might, uh, imagine that in this here world of the internetwebby thing, the video might be on the YT, and might, you know, display the intent of the artists:

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/06/11/imagine/

[Grumpasaurus.com] But no, he's not racist

'But no, he's not racist'

Why do you ask?

While discussing ninth-grade students at a school in New Jersey who were suspended for distributing topless photographs of their classmates, Bill O’Reilly stated, “But it’s an amazing amount of kids involved with this — 20 — in an affluent school district. This isn’t, you know, the inner city; you would think that these kids would have some kind of a values system.”

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/06/11/but-no-hes-not-racist/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Easy come, easy go

'Easy come, easy go'

Watch $1.2 billion dollars go up in flames.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/06/08/easy-come-easy-go/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Yes He Did

'Yes He Did'

Congrats to Barak Obama on winning the Democratic primaries and becoming the first gay muslim transgendered atheist black nominee for president of the United States.

Now get ready for the media onslaught. Playtime’s over.

Oh, and Barak, if you really want to help, stop the Dems from rolling over on the FISA bill that they just said they would support today. kthxbai

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/06/04/yes-he-did/

[Grumpasaurus.com] A Prediction

'A Prediction'

Obama wins the general election, is assassinated … and we are subjected to 3 years of “theorizing” over whether or not Hillary was the one who put a hit out on him. Just like Vince Foster!

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/05/21/a-prediction/

[Grumpasaurus.com] McMaverick McStraight McTalk

'McMaverick McStraight McTalk'

He’s an old, hypocritical, mendacious, warmongering, narcissistic idiot with serious rage problems. Hooray for the GOP!

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/05/18/mcmaverick-mcstraight-mctalk/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Chris Matthews moment of semi-redemption

'Chris Matthews moment of semi-redemption'

Matthews is horrid - pro-GOP, seriously misogynistic - but this bit here has some slight redemptive value.

Matthews (finally) questions a pinhead wingnut on what is meant by one of their trigger phrases they spew around, here it’s “appeasement.” Naturally, the wingnut has no clue what it means… but it doesn’t stop him. from screaming his ignorance at the top of his lungs.

So good job, Chris. Make sure you follow up with McCain, mm’k?

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/05/17/chris-matthews-moment-of-semi-redemption/

[Grumpasaurus.com] The lost footage of the O'Reilly meltdown

'The lost footage of the O'Reilly meltdown'

Comedy gold… also remarkably believable

Good times.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/05/16/the-lost-footage-of-the-oreilly-meltdown/

[Grumpasaurus.com] In case you missed it

'In case you missed it'

Fafblog is back. It’s been back for a while, but without much fanfare and prior to Giblets and the Medium Lobster’s transit into the great wilderness, it was one of the best sites on the net. Except for that whole color-scheme-that-makes-your-eyes-bleed bit.

Anyway, today Fafnir did an interview with Hillary.

FB: Now, back when your husband was president he cut nine million poor women and children off welfare. But now you’re the candidate of women and poor people and poor workin women. So did you approve of what your husband did at the time, and if not are you going to reverse it as president and give all those poor people their money back?

CLINTON: Ha haaa! That’s an excellent question, Fafnir, and the only way to answer it is with a hearty chuckle followed by a complete non sequitur!

FB: Ha ha, that is so true!

CLINTON: You know, I wish I could make all those women’s lives better, I really do. But in a way, wouldn’t it help all of them even more if we could just make one woman’s life a whole lot better, and then say it sort of counts towards all those other women who aren’t getting anything? And wouldn’t it be even better-er if that one woman was me?

FB: You know, you just can’t argue with that math! Now are you running for president of Iraq, too? Because then your vote for the war totally makes sense!

CLINTON: I didn’t vote for the war, Fafnir. I voted to give the president the authority to go to war. What was he going to use that authority for? Maybe he’d just frame it and hang it in his office. Maybe he’d use it to prop up one of the legs on his desk. Maybe he’d use it to sing songs and dance jigs and lift weary spirits down at the old folks home! I honestly couldn’t say!

FB: If only you knew at the time that that devious George Bush would use a war authorization to authorize a war!

CLINTON: You know, I guess I’m just too giving. Maybe I just love my country too much to deny it the universal health care and endless wars it so desperately needs. Maybe some theoretical secret black Muslim who hates America wouldn’t have that problem.

Awesome. Also, brutal.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/05/14/in-case-you-missed-it/

[Grumpasaurus.com] More like this, please

'More like this, please'

While the media lovefest of McCain continues unabated and Hilary destroys any lingering good feelings I had for the Clintons or appreciation for her achievements by handing the election to McCain, Obama’s still runnin a classy campaign. I may not agree with all of his policy positions or philosophies, but he’s definitely running a praiseworthy campaign.

For a secret muslim, marxist, manchurian candidate, fag, that is.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/04/15/more-like-this-please/

[Grumpasaurus.com] War Criminals

'War Criminals'

The Bush Admnistration was directly involved in the method, extent, and forms of torture used against captured persons of (possible) interest.

In dozens of top-secret talks and meetings in the White House, the most senior Bush administration officials discussed and approved specific details of how high-value al Qaeda suspects would be interrogated by the Central Intelligence Agency, sources tell ABC News.

The so-called Principals who participated in the meetings also approved the use of “combined” interrogation techniques — using different techniques during interrogations, instead of using one method at a time — on terrorist suspects who proved difficult to break, sources said.

Highly placed sources said a handful of top advisers signed off on how the CIA would interrogate top al Qaeda suspects — whether they would be slapped, pushed, deprived of sleep or subjected to simulated drowning, called waterboarding.

The high-level discussions about these “enhanced interrogation techniques” were so detailed, these sources said, some of the interrogation sessions were almost choreographed — down to the number of times CIA agents could use a specific tactic.

The advisers were members of the National Security Council’s Principals Committee, a select group of senior officials who met frequently to advise President Bush on issues of national security policy.

At the time, the Principals Committee included Vice President Cheney, former National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and Secretary of State Colin Powell, as well as CIA Director George Tenet and Attorney General John Ashcroft.

The fact that these people are still (mostly) running our government instead of being behind bars is probably the most accurate snapshot, and indictment, of our country today. Ruled by a clutch of undemocratic totalitarians, the America I grew up with is gone and our moral authority with it.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/04/10/war-criminals/

[Grumpasaurus.com] A good way to get your hate on

'A good way to get your hate on'

Wow. Real hard times for some former subprime lending institution execs.

Mysti was one of the last people out the door at New Century Financial, once the nation’s No. 2 subprime lender. She had been in charge of e-commerce customer service with dozens of employees reporting to her. It was at New Century where the Copes met in 2000.

Kent worked for several of the firms that helped give birth to the industry, which specializes in making loans to people with less-than-perfect credit, in the 1990s. He has been out of work since August when he was laid off by Friedman, Billings, Ramsey Group (FBR) unit First NLC Financial Services.

Yeah, tough times. I feel for you guy-
Despite their financial problems, the Copes have worked hard to protect their credit rating, staying current on bills. And they’ve made cutbacks: trading in Kent’s Corvette for a Suburban and getting rid of the gardener, for example. But the couple also has learned that it didn’t need everything it used to spend money on.

Nevermind.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/04/03/a-good-way-to-get-your-hate-on/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Faith in Humanity, somewhat restored

'Faith in Humanity, somewhat restored'

Opening day of baseball, Duhbya throws out the first pitch in new Nationals stadium … and he is roundly booed.

Good job, attendees. Good job.

If it pops up on YouTube, I’ll post it.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/03/30/faith-in-humanity-somewhat-restored/

[Grumpasaurus.com] If You Didn't Hate Wal-Mart Before

'If You Didn't Hate Wal-Mart Before'

You sure should now

A collision with a semi-trailer truck seven years ago left 52-year-old Deborah Shank permanently brain-damaged and in a wheelchair. Her husband, Jim, and three sons found a small source of solace: a $700,000 accident settlement from the trucking company involved. After legal fees and other expenses, the remaining $417,000 was put in a special trust. It was to be used for Mrs. Shanks care.

Instead, all of it is now slated to go to Mrs. Shanks former employer, Wal-Mart Stores Inc.

Two years ago, the retail giants health plan sued the Shanks for the $470,000 it had spent on her medical care. A federal judge ruled last year in Wal-Marts favor, backed by an appeals-court decision in August. Now, her family has to rely on Medicaid and Mrs. Shanks social-security payments to keep up her round-the-clock care.

Oh wait, it gets better

In August last year, U.S. district judge Lewis Blanton sided with Wal-Mart, ruling that when Mrs. Shank signed on to Wal-Mart’s health plan she was obligated to abide by its terms.

The ruling came six days before the Shanks’ 18-year-old son, Jeremy, was killed in September last year in Iraq shortly after he arrived in the U.S. Army’s 25th Infantry Division.

If ever there was an entity that deserved strychnine in its reservoir, Wal-Mart would be the one.

Now implement some goddamn national health insurance for fuck’s sake.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/03/28/if-you-didnt-hate-wal-mart-before/

[Grumpasaurus.com] The Worst Thing You're Going to See or Hear All Week

'The Worst Thing You're Going to See or Hear All Week'

I’m scarred for life. Ergo, I must share it with you so we can live our scarred codependent lives together properly.

I don’t know who created this, but my money’s on Al Qaeda.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/03/22/the-worst-thing-youre-going-to-see-or-hear-all-week/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Iraq, 5 years on

'Iraq, 5 years on'

5 years ago today, the Bush administration began the single largest foreign policy disaster - and probably largest single blunder - in American history. They lied to the people, the world, and the media. They broke laws, destroyed our image and worldwide power, and bankrupted our economy and military for generations to come. Oh, and they also directly killed more than 4,000 American troops and tens of thousands of Iraqis.

Though it has largely disappeared from the collective kewl kid narrative, many people looking at the situation rationally at the time were not only right about the administration’s lies and the ill-advised nature of the war, but they were also right about the effects. Much of the media and the enablers of this imperialist adventure would like to forget their role in making this happen and marginalizing those of us who were correct from the start. It is important to not let the narrative become one of “everyone believed Saddam had to go” or “it’s not important how we got there,” because neither statement is true.

Honor our servicepersons’ sacrifice and our country by remembering the past honestly. It’s the least we can do.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/03/19/iraq-5-years-on/

[Grumpasaurus.com] You have got to be shitting me

'You have got to be shitting me'

ABC News: Hillary Was in White House on ‘Stained Blue Dress’ Day

Hillary Clinton spent the night in the White House on the day her husband had oral sex with Monica Lewinsky, and may have actually been in the White House when it happened, according to records of her schedule released today by the National Archives.

Excuse me? Relevance? Is there a single iota of meaning or worth behind this story? Does it serve any purpose at all? This is taking the recent attack-on-the-Democratic-(but not St. Johnny McCain’s!!!)-surrogates ridiculousness to a whole new level. Apparently, you don’t even need to be a sentient being any longer in order for the corporate media to whip your existence into something for which one of the Dem candidates must “repudiate” or “reject.”

Ladies and gents, your “liberal” media at work.

Have you no sense of decency ABC? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/03/19/you-have-got-to-be-shitting-me/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Maybe this is what Saddam was working on

'Maybe this is what Saddam was working on'

Teen faces WMD charge after plastic egg explodes

An 18-year-old Elizabethtown man is charged with possessing a weapon of mass destruction and other offenses over a plastic egg explosion.

Police say he ignited a plastic egg filled with plastic air-gun pellets in a flea market, hitting at least five people and causing alarm. It happened Saturday afternoon at a Saturday’s Market in Londonderry Township, Dauphin County.

Ignoring, for the moment, the patent absurdity of charging someone with using a “weapon of mass destruction” when that “weapon” caused, and could cause, no destruction at all, let alone “mass destruction” and all of the negative reflections upon the state of our society and policing if this charge were indeed levied… is it even possible to lay this charge on the kid?

Mebbe.

Pennsylvania statutes¹ show that this incident probably meets the statutory definition … but only by the barest whisker, if at all. The statute allows for bring this charge if a person “without lawful authority to do so, intentionally, knowingly or recklessly possesses or manufactures a weapon of mass destruction.”²

Naturally, this begs the question: what is a weapon of mass destruction under Pennsylvania law?

I’m glad you asked, Johnny! Because the answer is in the same statute. A “weapon of mass destruction” is “A biological agent, bomb, chemical agent or nuclear agent.”

A plastic egg filled with plastic pellets is not a biological, chemical, or nuclear agent, leaving the only possibility of bomb. What is the definition of “bomb” under this statute? “An explosive device used for unlawful purposes.”

And that’s where the sliver of possibility resides. I’m pretty sure the egg went BANG and was used in the creation of calamity, thus it likely satisfies both elements of the definition. Absurd, but likely.

Now, this statute, or at least that provision, is certainly ripe for some constitutional void-for-vagueness challenges (a “bomb” is a weapon of mass destruction? Really? No matter how big?), which I’m certain we won’t see here as the strategy was likely one intended to make the kid take a plea bargain. By a similar reading of this statute, it would make no difference if the kid had a plastic egg, EFP, or a box full of Pop-Its that scared three biddies.

Welcome to the new GOP world of bedwetting fear. Make sure you carry spare undies for every time a gnat farts in your direction.

1. 18 Pa.C.S.A. § 2716

2. The article says charged with possession, but if he possessed here, he also used and likely manufactured.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/02/05/maybe-this-is-what-saddam-was-working-on/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Fuck you, Ralph

'Fuck you, Ralph'

Ralph Nader Flirts with ‘08 Bid

Ralph Nader has formed a presidential exploratory committee, and said in an interview Wednesday that he will launch another presidential bid if he’s convinced he can raise enough money to appear on the vast majority of state ballots this fall.

Look, you narcissistic oblivious prick, you are part of the problem.

Here’s an idea, instead of reappearing every four years to throw elections for the biggest authoritarian kleptocracy in history like a bad case of gonorrhea… why don’t you do something useful during the intervening four years of nothing? Al Gore got an Oscar, what did you do? Besides charge five figure speaker fees for resting on your laurels, that is.

Because of you, thousands have died in Iraq. Because of you, our civil liberties have been eroded probably for the remainder of my lifetime. Stop being a useful idiot and just be useful. Please.

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/30/fuck-you-ralph/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Baroccoli Obama

'Baroccoli Obama'

I thought it, now I’m trademarking it.

Remember: that’s (tm, me)!

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/29/baroccoli-obama/

[Grumpasaurus.com] Sunset on the Empire

'Sunset on the Empire'

I’ve been talking about the decline and fall of the American empire forever (or close thereto. No, really), but it appears that the New America Foundation realizes they want some skin in that game.

Many saw the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq as the symbols of a global American imperialism; in fact, they were signs of imperial overstretch. Every expenditure has weakened America's armed forces, and each assertion of power has awakened resistance in the form of terrorist networks, insurgent groups and "asymmetric" weapons like suicide bombers. America's unipolar moment has inspired diplomatic and financial countermovements to block American bullying and construct an alternate world order. That new global order has arrived, and there is precious little Clinton or McCain or Obama could do to resist its growth.

[Colbert]Bow before me for I am mighty![/Colbert]

http://grumpasaurus.com/2008/01/27/sunset-on-the-empire/